Acceptance

Am I the only one that catches myself singing my old churches hymns? I was raised Mormon, now the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and I've noticed that there are times that I start humming or singing one of the hymns. Most of the time, they are the songs sung in Primary (One part of Sunday School for non-Mormons) but sometimes songs sung during sacrament meeting (Mass and communion) pop out. A lot of the times, I feel guilty about it or I start growing angry with myself because I knew I hated my ward and I didn't know why I was singing and humming songs that didn't represent me anymore. But today, I recognize that even if I hate and resent the Christian God and my ward of my church, the Christian God will still have a hole in my heart where I yearn for him like I do my biological dad. I do not like this feeling, but I have come to accept it. He may not answer my pleas, but other Gods will. And this is why I still cry when I end up singing A Child's Prayer.